SO, hi, I’m always absent from updating my blog consistently, but thank you for coming back. I’ve really been working on myself in a more self-worth, inner soul type of way and I feel like I’ve really hit a good point and my eyes are open.
I have been such a lazy piece of shit- a negative nancy if you will. I got so set in my daily routine (that I HATED) but had dreams of making a real change, that I stopped trying to obtain that goal.
It’s so hard to get yourself to work by 8 am and stay until 5 pm, when you literally could care less about what you have to do, day to day to month.
I woke up today and thought, “holy shit, I have rent due pretty soon and I need to start training so I can have rent money”.
Oh, BTW, I got an awesome waitressing job but training is 8 days and I have no clue when it’s going to start. Rent is due in like 16 days or so whatever on math. I’m super stressed so I’ve been working out a lot. Like, A lot.
And I’m motherfuing excited. I’m happy. I’m relieved. I feel like everyday, I get that one hour (or more) to be alone and be within myself. And it’s helped SO much.
I feel alive.
But tonight. Yo. Tonight was fucking awful. I did the work but it was such a mental struggle but no.
Our gym is small. It’s smaaaall. This lady, decides to take the bench to the cable machine (which eliminates my entire workout), use it for 10 min, leave it there and walk out. Oh my GLOB. Lost it. But, did my workout, hating it, going slowly, taking a lot of water breaks, but i did it.
I just have to get there. I have to get there, start lifting, start sweating and keep going until I think I’m going to pass out/throw up, or die. I grunt like the most annoying person but I push myself. I go when I don’t want to. I go when my body hates myself and when I want to sit down and not get up for hours. But I go.
When I come home, I am refreshed. I am not anxious, I am not worried. I am at peace.
I went to the gym tonight and I was feeling anxious. I don’t know why, I have no clue what it was about, but by the time I left, I was at peace. I was calm.
I am committing to working out when i don’t want to.
I will drink like I do every night, but workout.
I am going to progress.